It was nighttime around me, the wee hours, I think;
nature had called, so I'd left my warm bed.
An alien being popped out of my toilet,
a big-eyed bald midget, the color of lead.
"Don't call your dad, he'll say it's a dream,"
said the alien to me, "things are what they seem.
I've come a long way," he continued to say,
"it took me three years, five months and a day.
"I'm space-lagged, hung-over, and now dripping wet,"said the alien to me, "but I'm so glad we've met!"
I was too numb to shout, I was too shocked to run.
"It's time," said the alien, "time to have fun!"
He jumped from the toilet and ran out the door,
leaving puddles of water all over the floor.
Out into the hallway, and down fourteen stairs,
this fast little creature seemed free of all cares.
"C'mon down here," he hollered, looking straight up at me, "what I need most right now is a mug of hot tea!"
I followed down to the kitchen, set kettle to boil,
as my new friend, the alien, ate aluminum foil.
He drank the hot tea, threw it down in one swallow,
then motioned to me, as he walked, I should follow.
Out into the yard, a night sky full of stars,
the Big Dipper, a half-moon, plus Venus and Mars.
The alien looked up, he oohed and he aahed,
he said, "This is fantastic... if a trifle bit odd."
He seemed quite confused, as if in a trance,
then he twirled around twice, as if trying to dance.
"I thought Earth had four moons, and a night sky of green," said the alien, befuddled, "it's the first time I've been. I need a vacation, and that's part why I'm here, some fun and adventure—and maybe a beer.
"Let's throw a party, catch a few rays,
I haven't got long, just a couple of days.
“But I do have a mission, traveling all the way here,
To learn about something you earthlings call fear.
If you assist with my quest, you dear little boy,
at the end of my visit I'll give you a toy."
"My fear," I said slowly, "is a bully named Rick.
I fear him so bad, my stomach gets sick."
"But why," said the alien, "what makes you afraid?"
"You kidding?" said I, "it's tough in fourth grade.
"What with homework, and fifth-graders calling us names, and a bully named Rick always spoiling our games, I spend half my day staying out of harm's way, Rick calls me 'that dork-face who’s probably gay'."
"But why?" asked the alien. "What will he gain,
by embarrassing you and causing you pain?"
"You'd have to ask Rick," said I with a smirk,
"but he'll probably just call you a bald midget jerk."
"Will I feel some fear?" said the alien, eyes wide,
feeling close to his goal after such a long ride.
"Rick will make you so fearful, you'd rather be dead." I then said goodnight, and returned to my bed.
The alien was gone, when I awakened next day,
and I trudged off to school, feeling less than okay,
'cos I knew Rick would be waiting, with plenty to say.
And there he was -- Rick! -- with my alien friend!
Oh my God, my heart stopped, this is the end!
I felt so much fear, I thought I would cry,
No, the fear was much worse, I was going to die.
"Confront your fear!" yelled the alien to me,
"the worst thing to do is turn round and flee."
So I stood there, I did, my eyes looking at Rick,
wondering what he'd do first: hit, spit or kick.
I kept staring for hours, without making a sound,
the silence was eerie as I firmly stood ground.
As for what happened next, it still makes no sense,
my fear was all gone, I felt serene, not tense.
Then Rick finally blinked, he went his own way,
the alien winked, said, "It's a wonderful day.
"If we only stop fearing, the things that we fear,
they'll haunt us no more, and they’ll just disappear."
Just as he promised, a gift he did give me,
not a toy, but a lesson, which now set me free.
From that day on forward, I feared nothing at all.
I walked and I talked as if seven feet tall.