1. Santa Claus is in the ICU on a ventilator.
2. Mrs. Claus is firing up the crematorium.
3. The elves are reviewing Santa's life insurance policies.
4. Blitzen, Rudolph, Dancer & Prancer have been sent to the venison chop house.
5. Christmas morning brings coal dust for breakfast and kids everywhere are retaining counsel for a class-action suit seeking remedy for black lung disease.
6. Santa's chimney has fallen down, his house foreclosed upon and American families are being fed take-out won ton soup by restaurants about to go bust because Comrade Cuomo, Il Duce de Blasio and Adolph Newsom have shut them down.
Our sentiments precisely, especially the reference to autocratic, hypocritical dictators.
With this caveat:
Try as they may, these Grinches cannot steal what is in our hearts.
And that is where Christmas truly resides.